Buddhism and the importance of caring for others and being celibate

Buddhist saints have been described as having the maternal compassion of a mother who is always there to feed, clean, and care for her children. The Theravada branch holds mothers so highly that Sariputta (the Buddha’s main disciple) and Mogallana (“the nurse raising a baby”) are described as “like a mother giving birth.”

In Buddhism, as in other religions, the concept of motherhood is complex. The ideal of motherlike compassion, as well as celibacy and monoasticism, is praised. The faith has never had a core philosophy that prioritizes marriage and procreation over spiritual study and enlightenment. As an expert on gender and family issues in Buddhism, I’ve noticed a shift in views regarding the combination of spirituality and motherhood.

A Sri Lankan woman hands a begging dish and robes over to her son at a ceremony granting him permission for priesthood. Lakruwan Wanniarachchi/AFP through Getty Images

Repaying the debt of a mother

Buddhism places a high priority on cultivating gratitude, especially towards elders. Buddhists are encouraged to be thankful for the sacrifices made by their parents in order to bring them to the world and raise. According to a sutra, owing debts to parents could land you in a hell reserved for unrepentant children.

Buddhists can show their respect for mothers and motherlike figures by offering a meal or preparing one. There are many ways Buddhists can honor their parents throughout the year. In Thailand, boys may take temporary monastic vows to pay back their “milk debt” by living with monks for a week. This is a way to demonstrate deep respect.

Even if someone’s mother has passed away, there are many ways that they can show their love. Rice balls are a common food offering made at ancestral shrines and altars of the family lineage. The ritual, which is similar to feeding a parent alive, is intended to remind Buddhists of the sacrifices made by their parents to feed them.

A South Korean boy and his mother are seen during the celebrations of Buddha’s Birthday, when children were invited to become monks. Kim Jae Hawan/SOPA Images/LightRocket/Getty Images

The Buddha’s Gift

Buddhists believe that there are multiple realms to which a person can go after their death, some of them heavenly and some hellish. Children can help a mother in hell stay there for a shorter time by performing good deeds. Children’s good karma can sustain a mother in heaven who was reborn.

However, the downside of Buddhist heavens is an attachment to fine foods, drinks, clothing, and other sensual pleasures. In many myths, the gods are unable to grasp the core teaching of Buddhism – the transient nature of everything. What you want to have more of won’t last.

According to Buddhist belief, Maya was fortunate in that she had good Karma and became a god after death. The dutiful Buddha then ascended into the heavens where Maya resided to teach her that even the heavenly pleasures paled in comparison with liberation. Legends claim he spent 3 months teaching her advanced doctrines of the Buddhist canon, far more complex than the legends that say he taught to his father.

Focus or family?

From the western end, in Turkey, to the eastern, in China, Buddhist Asia is full of fertility practices and fertility figures. Many Buddhist areas in Asia, especially those with elite monastic communities, place great emphasis on texts that promote the virtues and freedoms of celibacy.

Buddhism is founded on the belief that everything is impermanent. All desires, including having sex and having a family, are seen as bondages: these cravings bind people to worldly ends rather than the path of wisdom toward nirvana.

According to this viewpoint, it is just as important to curb sexual desire as it is to curb gluttony. Children, family, and the need to work for them all make it difficult to study or meditate. warns men that lusting is foolish, as putting your penis into the mouth of a snake.

As every parent knows, the Buddha’s eightfold way requires focus. The Buddha left his wife and son in order to pursue wisdom by living a disciplined lifestyle . He returned to his hometown after achieving enlightenment and taught his family members what he learned.

Meditation and mothering

Cultures differ in their attitudes towards families and monasticism. In Nepal or Japan, you won’t find anyone criticizing fertility. In these countries, monks are allowed to marry, have children, and work in temples. They also run Buddhist temples that serve the needs of lay Buddhists.

Women in Bangkok receive alms after their families have shaved off their heads as part of a monastic ceremony. Roberto Schmidt/AFP through Getty Images

Modern interpretations of Buddhism are more family-friendly. Some modern Buddhists view parenthood not as a barrier, but as a spiritual endeavor. Caregiving for children can be considered a form of meditation. It requires a non-judgmental, but observant focus, similar to mindfulness. Children and mothers can see things for what they are without attachment or grasping.

Scholars like Reiko Ahnuma Vanessa Sasson, Amy Langenberg and the intersection of parenting and Buddhist values have demonstrated that celibacy is not an “either/or” choice.

Buddhists believe the historical Buddha lived many lives, and that he was not always celibate. He was a good father and a man of many virtues. These included kindness, patience, forbearance, and tolerance. Even when celibate his spiritual teachings were like breast milk , according to Theravada Buddhist traditions: “the milk of eternal doctrine.” This attitude of unconditional concern was what made him the spiritual mother to many Buddhists.